11 May 2012


There is a newish meme going around the blogosphere about being honest...  I'm usually pretty transparent on my blog, but just in case you somehow got the idea that my life is a scene from Pollyanna, here you go.  Read on and see what currently troubles my soul. 

So, sometimes life can get really serious on me.  I get trapped by all the projects I've got going on and feel like I don't have any time to just sit down and recharge.  I've had FIVE book groups this year and I've been working part-time quite a bit lately.  Then playing full-time mommy...  It just doesn't seem to quit.  Anyway, I don't want to complain or anything. I feel super fortunate that I still have the opportunity to work.  And I'm not gonna lie - I love what I do.  But I am also freaking excited that two of those book groups have ended this week! (Small victories, right?)

Along those same lines, lately I've been feeling like I haven't been making time for my kiddos. (Read: mommy guilt.) I've just been so wrapped up in the completion of some of those other projects that I've been pushing the boys away somehow. I haven't had any desire to just sit and play with them. I literally watch the clock and wait for the mister to come home and relieve me!  (There.  I said it.  Are you shocked?!?)  Don't get me wrong here... I am crazy in love with my boys.  But I am also tired. Whoah.  Like, Oscar must be part rooster.  He wakes up at 6:30 every morning.  And then both boys just Energizer-Bunny-it all day until 8/9pm.  It's rough.  And I've been pulling late nighters working on stuff, so I'm not getting any rest.  Oz and I have been spending daily time during Charlie's nap to do some workbooks on ABC's and numbers, so there is that to help alleviate some of the guilt.  But I've noticed that my patience is at an all-time low.  (This could be due in part to both Oscar's and Charlie's new rebellious streak - Charlie's favorite word is now "no" and if you ask Oscar to do something, he just takes off running in the opposite direction. Little punks.)

All of this has been weighing heavily upon me lately.  Tim sent me a today post that really hit the spot, though. Let me share it with you... http://www.qideas.org/blog/out-of-the-mouth-of-babes.aspx.  It's a great little story about a mom that had "lost her joy" and how her son pointed it out to her.  Seriously made me get all choked up.  I don't want my boys to ever feel that I don't have time for them or that I'm unhappy with them.  So what do I need to do to rediscover my joy? 

Well, just so you know that I have every intention to bring the silly back into my world, take a look at my latest book group snack. We read Horns and Wrinkles by Joseph Helgerson, a kind of Americana fantasy, and in the story these two kids go searching for shooting stars.  They mention in the story that these stars smell somewhat like a grilled cheese sandwich.  So I made these.  Ha!  Doesn't it look like a plate full of grilled cheese?  It's pound cake.  I toasted the pieces and frosted in between the "sandwich" layer.  So funny. 

It was especially entertaining to see the disappointment in my book group kids eyes when they were hoping for dessert and thought they were getting dinner.  They soon had all smiles.

Sorry if this post seemed a bit scattered.  I'm feeling pretty scattered myself, so I guess it's a pretty accurate description of where I'm at!


Christie Tudor said...

You are one A-MAZING Momma and don't you forget it! You are an inspiration and a delight! <3

Jill Lorraine said...

I'm totally tricking the boys with grilled cheese cake!

And I appreciate your honesty so much. There are some days I really suck as a mom, and when the boys are asleep I just sit there watching them thinking "they deserve so much better."

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